“Light at the end of the tunnel”. It’s a phrase you hear all the time, but until recently I couldn’t even see a dull glow in the distance. Now, after months of doing not a lot other than falling down, it’s time to pick myself up again, and pick my bike up while I’m at it.
My last blog explained that I’ve stepped away from professional cycling; possibly forever, but hopefully not. It took me a long time to announce my departure, roughly five months since I stopped racing, and three months after I pretty much stopped riding a bike at all
The reason it took me so long to talk about it was simple. I didn’t want people to know. There’s still shame and stigma around mental health issues, and I didn’t want to be associated with it. So I was going to hide the truth, or at least remain vague enough that I may as well say nothing.
There lies the dilemma at the heart of my recent story and of many others. If I had stayed quiet, at a time when I was able to make a different choice, then I would have been a part of the problem myself.
It’s always easier to leave it to other people and argue for change behind the scenes, but at this point I’d come out of the other side of a situation that felt as though it had taken everything from me but my life. Maybe that made me the ideal person to bare all. A person who, in theory, has nothing left to lose, but also a person who can show that it does get better. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but people are good and life is amazing. A moment in time will come when you start to live it again.
I had seen the bottom and yet not quite hit it.
Perhaps sharing my story could help another person in a bad place feel less alone, help them to see it’s okay to admit you’re struggling. At the very least it might open up a dialogue. Even the possibility of this made it worth it. The benefits outweighed the risks………
…..Read full blog on Peloton Brief: http://www.thepelotonbrief.com/molly-weaver-blog-3/